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I Don't Have A Bucket List, But My Fucket List Is A Mile Long
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In Science We Trust
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Beards They Grow On You
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As You Get Older Enjoy Taking Naps and Getting Spanked
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My Headphones are In Stop Talking
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Betsy 76 Flag
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Santa's Financial Backer
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I say bad words a Lot
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I Love A Good Pole Dance
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I Am Not Responsible For What My Face Does When You Talk
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Everyone Appreciates Honesty Until You're Honest With Them Then You're An Asshole
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Dad Toughest Job You'll Ever Love
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I'm The God Fearing Gun Toting Flag Waving Conservative You Were Warned About
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Bacon Is Meat Candy
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Also Available In Sober
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My Goal In Life Is To Have A Psychiatric Disorder Named After Me
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Allergic To Stupid People
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Sorry Honey I Can't Hear You Without A Beer In My Hand
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I Really Mustache You A Question
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America's Flag USA, 4th of July Shirt
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Go Ahead, Make A Plan, I Dare You -Life
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May Contain Alcohol
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What Day Is It
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I Wonder If Tacos Thinks About Me Too
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Installing Muscles Please Wait..
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My Entire Life Can Be Described In One Sentence: It Didn't Go As Planned.
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Wake Up Be Awesome Be Kind Repeat
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Bad Influence
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Guns Don't Kill People Its Mostly The Bullets
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Paint Chips Make Me Thirsty
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Why I'm Going To Hell
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I Want Time To Sit, Read, Take A Nap And Snack Go Back To Kindergarten
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I Love My Bartender
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Never Trust An Atom They Make Up Everything
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If You Need Anything Reconsider
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I Washed My Hands Before It Was Cool
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I Like Beer And Maybe 3 People
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Always Carry A Knife With You. Just In Case There's Cheesecake. Or You Need To Stab Someone In The Throat.
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My Doctor Told Me To Start Killing People. Well Not In Those Exact Words.
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I'm Sorry I Don't Take Orders. I Barely Take Suggestions
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It's Just A Matter of Time Before They Add The Word Syndrome After My Last Name
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Sometimes I Wake Up Grumpy Other Times I Let Him Sleep
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Things That Are Not Cancelled Me Being An Asshole
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My Alone Time Is Sometimes For Your Saftey
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World's Goodest Homeschool Teacher
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If I Ever Go Missing, Follow My Kids. They Can Find Me Anywhere!
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Always Do Your Okayest
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I'm Drunk And You're Still Ugly
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