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I Never Dreamed That One Day I'd Become A Grumpy Old Man But Here I Am Killing it!
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That's A Horrible Idea What Time
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You Find It Offensive I Find It Funny. That's Why I'm Happier Than You
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Of Course I Talk To Myself Sometimes I Need Expert Advice
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You Look Really Stupid With Your Head Like That
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Holy Crap! Larry, Is That You
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Be Careful When You Follow The Masses. Sometimes The "M" Is Silent
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Dear Karma, I Have A List Of People You Missed
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A Day Without Coffee Is Like... Just Kidding, I Have No Idea.
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If History Repeats Itself I Am So Getting A Dinosaur
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My Dog Thinks I'm Cool
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Words Cannot Express How Much I Don't Care
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One Of Us Is Right
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Senior Citizen Texting Codes
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I Don't Like Morning People... Or Mornings... Or People...
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In My Defense I Was Left Unsupervised
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Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms Should Be A Convenience Store
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My Stomach Is Flat The L Is Just Silent
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You Know What I Like About People? Their Dogs.
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I Am An Enganeer Engeneer Enginear I'm Good With Math
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You People Must Be Exhausted From Watching Me Do Everything
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An Apple A Day Will Keep Anyone Away If Thrown Hard Enough
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You Can't Tell Me What To Do You're Not My Dog
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Shhh… No One Cares
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That's Too Much Bacon Said No One Ever
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Today I Am Going To Give It My Some
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Hi, I Don't Care. Thanks.
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I Prefer Not To Think Before Speaking I like Behing Surprised
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Almost Every Hand You've Ever Shaken Has Had A D*ck In It
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Sawdust is Man Glitter
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My Mom Didn't Raise A Dummy, And If She Did It Was My Sister
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People Should Seriously Stop Expecting Normal From Me We All Know It's Never
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How Sarcasm Is Made. Step One. Ask Me A Question.
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Not Saying Kill Stupid People Remove The Warning Labels The Problem Work Itself Out
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You Say I'm Crazy I Call It Mentally Unrestricted
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If You're Offended I'll Help You Pack
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Another Fine Day Ruined By Responsibility
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When does Old Enough To Know Better
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Immortal (So Far)
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Duct Tape. It Can't Fix Stupid, But It Can Muffle The Sound
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I Tried It At Home
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Stop You're Under A Rest
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You Can't Scare Me I Have A Daughter
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When I Was A Kid This Is Not What I Expected
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I Wear This Shirt Periodically
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You Can't Tell Me What To Do You're Not My Cat
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Technically The Glass Is Completely Full
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Aren't We Taking The Idea That Anyone Can Be President A Little To Far?
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Sometimes I Wake Up Grumpy Sometime I Let Her Sleep
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