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Let's Stay Strangers
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The Older I Get The Earlier It Gets Late
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I Don't Trip I Do Random Gravity Checks
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I've Got a Good Heart, But This Mouth...
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Just Be Happy I'm Not A Twin
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The Book Was Better
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I'm Not Adding This Year To My Age I Didn't Use It
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I'm Nicer Than My Face Looks
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Calm Down Karen I'm Not The Manager
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I Probably Like Your Dog Better
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I Have It All Together I Just Forgot Where I Put It
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It Looks Like I Make Accidentally Get Drunk On Purpose Today
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First I Drink The Coffee Then I Do The Things
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I say bad words a Lot
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I Can't Be Responsible For What My Face Does When You Talk
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It's Fine I'm Fine Everything Is Fine
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Today Was Good I Put On Pants And Brushed My Teeth
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Mom's To Do List Everything
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World's Goodest Homeschool Teacher
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I Was Meant To Be Rich I can Tell By The Way I Spend Money
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Every Great Mom Says The "F" Word
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Happiness Is...Not Having To Set The Alarm For Tomorrow
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I'm Always In A Rush To Get Home So I Can Do Absoluting Nothing
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My Future Husband Is Going To Have The Coolest Wife
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I Think I'm Worth Every Headache I Give
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I Wonder If Wine Thinks About Me Too
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Hold My Drink I've Gotta Pet This Dog
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Don't Make Me Use My Mom Voice
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I Miss My Cat
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I Think My Soulmate Might Be Carbs
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Because I Said So
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Are These People Really My Relatives?
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My Favorite People Call Me Mom
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If I Ever Go Missing, Follow My Kids. They Can Find Me Anywhere!
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A Day Without Coffee Is Like... Just Kidding, I Have No Idea.
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Proud Autism Mom
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Shopping Is My Cardio
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I Only Do Butt Stuff At The Gym
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My Favorite Childhood Memory Is My Back Not Hurting.
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Parenting Style: Survivalist
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Senior Discount Please
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I'm Only Talking To My Cat Today
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Boy Do I Hate Being Right All The Time
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My Saturday Was Going Pretty Well Until I Realized It Was Sunday
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You Don't Just Wake Up This Sexy...Well I Do, But You Don't
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How Soon After Waking Up Is It Ok To Take A Nap
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I Came, I Saw, I Forgot What I Was Doing
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My Mind Is Like Internet Browser 19 Tabs 3 Frozen No Idea Where The Music Is From
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Always Carry A Knife With You. Just In Case There's Cheesecake. Or You Need To Stab Someone In The Throat.
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Adult Is Easy Like Riding Bike Except The Bike On Fire Everything On Fire In Hell
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