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There's No Award For Stupid, So Stop Competing
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Some People Just Need A Pat On The Back
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When Did I Get So Old
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Dear Alcohol, We Had A Deal
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If I Agree With You We'll Both Be Wrong
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Home Is Where The WIFI Connects Automatically
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I Wonder If Beer Thinks About Me Too..?
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SaleDog Texting Codes
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Government Is Not The Solution To Our Problem, Government Is The Problem
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Don't Yell At Your Kids. Lean In And Whisper
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I May Be Wrong But I Doubt It
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Always Jingle All The Way Nobody Likes A Half A**ed Jingler
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A Scientific Study Shows That If You Are Reading This...You Are Not Blind
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I Like You But If If Zombies Chase Us I'm Tripping You
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Refuse To Engage In A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
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The Fact That I'm Legally An Adult Is Hysterical
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SalePat McCrotch
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SaleYour Team Sucks
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Well Another Day Has Passed And I Didn't Use Algebra Once
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I Think My Guardian Angel Drinks
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For A Minute There You Bored Me To Death
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My Silence Doesn't Mean I Agree With You. It's Just That Your Level Of Ignorance
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Things Men Know About Women
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I Know Right From Wrong. Wrong Is The Fun One.
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Sometimes I Meet People And Feel Sorry For Their Dog
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Wooden Spoon Survivor
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You All Realize I'm Going to Snap One Day Right
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Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
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Stand For The Flag Kneel For The Cross Shirt!
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Sale333 Only Half Evil
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I'm Confident My Last Words Will Be, "Are You Fucking Kidding Me?"
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Yet Despite The Look On My Face You Are Still Talking
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Not To Get Technical, But According To Chemistry, Alcohol Is A Solution
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Gravity It's Not Just A Good Idea It's The Law
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Fuckity Fuck Fuck Fuck
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Don't Tell Me What to Do Unless You're Naked
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Sleep Well Middle Finger You Have A Big Day Ahead Of You
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Shut Up Liver. You're Fine.
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We Never Really Grow Up We Only Learn How To Act In Public
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You're Nuttier Than A Squirrel Turd
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I'm Running For A Cause I Have to Poop
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Down To Party Until About 9PM
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SaleMy Wife Is psycHOTic
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Having A Dirty Mind Makes Ordinary Conversations Much More Interesting
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I'm Just Here To Establish An Alibi
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SaleHeavy Metals
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Newton's 1st Law A Body At Rest Wants To Stay At Rest. Now Go Away
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The More People I Meet, The More I Like My Dog
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