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I Identify As Someone Who Doesn't Care
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Not A Hugger
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Always Pray And Never Give Up
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For My Next Trick, I Need A Condom And A Volunteer
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I Don't Think Inside The Box. I Don't Think Outside The Box Either.
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Great Dads Get Promoted To Grandpas
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Some People Say I'm Crazy If True Do You Really Think Good Idea To Fuck With Me
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Lazy People Fact #35463098210 - You Were Too Lazy To Read That Number
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Masterbait And Tackle
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174 Ba Bacon Yum
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At Least The War On The Middle Class Is Going Well
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I exist to annoy you.
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Mistlestoned
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I Am Unable To Quit, As I Am Currently Too Legit
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Sarcasm The Body's Natural Defense Against Sarcasm
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If You Don'T Talk To Your Cat About Catnip Who Will
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RETIRED don't care don't ask
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If You Can't Look Back At Your Self
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Life Is LIke A Dick
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You Just Have To Take It One "Are You F*cking Kidding Me" At A Time
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Probably Late For Something
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There Are Two Types Of People In This World Avoid Them Both
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Please Don't Make Me Do Stuff.
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I'm Sorry, I Can'T Talk To You Today. I Talked To Two People Yesterday
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I Just Know I'll Die Trying To Pet Something I Shouldn't
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My First Thought When I Woke Up This Morning: Nope
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Dad Joke Survivor
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I'm At A Place In My Life Where Running Errands Counts As Going Out
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Tonight I'm Drinking Until I'm Someone Else's Problem
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Santa's Favorite Ho
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A Day Without Internet Probably Won't Kill Me, But Why Take The Chance?
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You're Pointless
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Youth and Talent Are Not Match for Youth and Treachery
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The 90's Many Memories No Evidence
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Best Dog Mom Ever
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I'm Not Worried About What You Think, Because I Can See You Don't Do It Very Often
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I Don't Have The Energy To Pretend I Like You Today
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Of All The Lies I've Told just Kidding is My favorite
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Captain Obvious
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The Head Foundation Please Give Generously
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Not Saying You're stupid. You Have Bad Luck
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On The Outside I May Appear Rude, Sarcastic Jerk Just Like An Onion
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I Thought I Had Social Anxiety, But It Turns Out I Just Don't Like People
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Santa Doesn't Believe In You Either
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So An Irishman Walks Out Of A Pub Seriously It Can Happen
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POSITIVE AWESOME
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I Meant To Behave But There Were Too Many Other Options
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The Worst Thing About Censorship Is...
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Are These People Really My Relatives?
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