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Ho Lee Chit
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3 Out Of 4 Voices In My Head Want To Sleep The Other Wants To Know If Penguins Have Knees
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Sometimes I Pretend To Be Normal, But It Gets Boring So I Go Back Being Me
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There's No Such Thing As Goverment Funded
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Once Upon A time I Didn't Care Still Don't The End
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It's Ok If You Disagree With Me. I Can't Force You To Be Right
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Due To Personal Reasons I'll Be Drinking Again This Weekend
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Surely Not Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting
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Paddle Faster I Hear Banjos
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I Like How When You Read This The Little Voice In Your Head Takes Pauses
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See Me Smiling Because Thinking Something Bad If You See Laughing I Already Have
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My Mom Didn't Raise A Dummy, And If She Did It Was My Brother
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The Difference Between A Beer And Your Opinion Is That I Asked For A Beer
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My People Skills Are Fine. It's My Tolerance To Idiots That Needs Work
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My Opinion Offended You Hear What I Keep To Myself
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My Dream Job Would Be Driving the Karma Bus
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Of Course I Live In The Past Have You Seen The Present Lately
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And Then Satan Said, Put The Alphabet In Math
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Can't Hear You I'M Gaming
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Nothing Is Really Lost Until Your Wife Can't Find It
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You Don't Do Stupid Things While Young You'll Have Nothing To Smile About When Old
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Get Real Be Rational
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NoBody Needs An AR15? Nobody Needs A Whiny Little Bitch Either, Yet Here You Are
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Do Not Read the Next Sentence. You Little Rebel. I Like You.
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I Hate Being Bipolar It's Awesome
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Dear Santa They Did It
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Trying To Be Less Of An A**hole Than I Was Yesterday... Baby Steps. F*ck You.
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My Boss Told Me To Have A Good Day So I Went Home
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7 Days Without A Pun Makes One Weak
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Bacon Elements
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Irony Opposite Of Wrinkly
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Your Idea Of Me Is Not My Resposibility To Live Up To
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Zombies Eat Brains You're Safe
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You Can't Say Anything Nice About Anyone, Sit Next To Me We'll Make Fun together
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I'm Not Clumsy It's Just The Floor Hates Me, The Tables And Chairs Are Bullies
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Morningwood Lumber
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This Is My Otter Shirt
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Am I A Good Person? No. But Do I Try To Make Myself Better Every Day? Also, No.
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I Don't Give A Rats Ass
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Tring To Make Protein Shakes but They Keep Coming Out As Margaritas
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World's Tallest Elf
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I Thought Growing Older Would Take Longer
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I'm Silently Correcting Your Grammar
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I Run a Tight Shipwreck
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I Wonder What My Dog Named ME
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I'm Finally Old Enough To Do Anything I Want*Too Tired To Actually Do It
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Common Sense is Like Deodorant
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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger Except for bears
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Baseball Is Wrong, Man With Four Balls Cannot Walk
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