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Just because i'm awake doesn't mean i'm ready to do things
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Some People Are Like Clouds Once They Disapper It's A Better Day
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I Bet Aliens Ride Past Earth And Lock Their Doors
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I Work Harder Than An Ugly Stripper
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If You See Someone Crying, Ask If It's Because Of Their Haircut
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Its All Shits And Giggles Until Someone Giggles And Shits
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Ammo Is Expensive. Do Not Expect A Warning Shot
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I Like Cooking My Family And My Pets. Use Commas. Don't Be A Psycho
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Here I Am, Now What Are Your Other 2 Wishes
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So, If We Lie To The Government, It'S A Felony But If They Lie To Us, It'S Politics
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Um The Element Of Confusion
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You Think I'm Condescending Do You Even Know What That
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Some People Just Need A Sympathetic Pat...On The Head...With A Hammer
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You Couldn't Handle Me Even If I Came With Instructions
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"Be Yourself" Is About The WORST Advice You Can Give To Some People
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It's All Fun And Games Until Someone Loses A Nut
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I Love Sleeping It's Like Being Dead Without The Commitment
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Four Twenty Clock
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Dogs Make Me Happy. You, Not So Much
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Sarcastic Comment Loading
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Save The Chubby Unicorn
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Why Be Difficult With A Little Effort You Can Be Impossible
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I'm Trying To Give Up Sexual Innuendos, But It's Hard...So Hard
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Counting To Ten Only Makes It Premeditated
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Light Travel's Faster Than Sound
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People Not A Big Fan
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Social Distancing Champion
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The Original Computer
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Algebra Stop Asking Us To Find Your X She's Never Coming Back Don't Ask Y
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The Tree Isn't The Only Thing Getting Lit This Year
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Sarcasm Is An Art If It Was A Science I'd Have My PHD
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My Husband's Wife Is Freaking Awesome True Story
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Sometimes I Drink Water Just To Suprise My Liver
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Enjoy Bacon
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Dear Santa, I Can Explain.
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I Hate It When I Think Buying Organic Vegetables
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This Generation Is So Angry
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My Mind Is Like Internet Browser 19 Tabs 3 Frozen No Idea Where The Music Is From
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You Ever Have One Of Those Days? Fuck: Off, You, Me, Us, It, Everything, This
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Never Mistake My Silence For Weakness No One Plans A Murder Out Loud
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I'm Not Stubborn, My Way Is Just Better
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I'm Awake Please Respect My Privacy During This Difficult Time
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Dogs Because People Suck
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Cleverly Disguised As An Adult
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I Look At People Sometimes And Think For Real Thats The Sperm That Won
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My Boss Said I Intimidate Coworkers
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I Can't Believe How Old People My Age Are
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While You We're Reading This, I Farted
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Pretty Sure I'm Going To Be One Of The Senior Citzens That Bites Everyone
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