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The Fact That I'm Legally An Adult Is Hysterical
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Waking Up Everyday Seems A Little Excessive
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I'm Confident My Last Words Will Be, "Are You Fucking Kidding Me?"
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When People Ask Dumb Questions, I Feel Obligated To Give Sarcastic Answers
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Things Men Know About Women
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Down To Party Until About 9PM
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Permanently On The Naughty List
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Newton's 1st Law A Body At Rest Wants To Stay At Rest. Now Go Away
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My Wife Is psycHOTic
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Funcle: Similar To A Dad, Only Cooler And Better Looking
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Sleep Well Middle Finger You Have A Big Day Ahead Of You
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D.A.D.D. Dads Against Daughters Dating
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Gravity It's Not Just A Good Idea It's The Law
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With A Shirt This Awesome, Who Needs Pants
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Annoy A Liberal Use Facts And Logic
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Your Team Sucks
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I'm Not A Robot
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The More People I Meet, The More I Like My Dog
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Having A Dirty Mind Makes Ordinary Conversations Much More Interesting
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Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
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American Association Against Acronym Abuse
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I Am Sofa King We Todd Did
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When Did I Get So Old
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Santa's Favorite
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If I Had A Dollar For Everytime I Got Distracted...I Wish I Had Some Ice Cream
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We Never Really Grow Up We Only Learn How To Act In Public
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You're Nuttier Than A Squirrel Turd
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Heavy Metals
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Realists The Only Ones Who Knows What Is Going On
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Went Outside There Were People Do not Recommend
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333 Only Half Evil
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If I Can't Bring My Dog I'm Not Going
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I'm Not A Gynocologist But I'll Take A Look.
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Tell Your Dog I Said Hi
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Dear Phone I Am Never Trying To Type Ducking Sincerly Everyone
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Ban Idiots, Not Guns
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A Day Without Beer Probably Won't Kill Me, But Why Take The Chance?
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Unathletic
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Sometimes I Sit Quietly And Wonder Why I'm Not In A Mental Asylum
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Sarcasm Its How I Hug
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I'm Having A No Hair Day
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I'm Sorry For Saying Sorry So Much Sorry
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I'm Not For Everyone
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WTF - Where's The Fish
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You Don't Just Wake Up This Sexy...Well I Do, But You Don't
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I'll Stop Being A Sarcastic Bastard When You Stop Being A Stupid Fuck
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Somethings Are Better Left Unsaid
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Reindeer Antlers
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Yes I Do Have A Beautiful Daughter I Also Have A Gun, A Shovel & An Alibi
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